Still Around
it's not that serious - jennifer lopez

Temporize
the one - elton john

Jamming tonight!! Whee. My brother has bought me ear plugs from his camp, so I can kiss headaches and deafness goodbye.

He went for some PSC scholarship interview yesterday, and apparently they want him to go to CHINA. But he wants to go to Stanford - no point going to China under scholarship la. WHY? Because studying in China is cheaper than Singapore. Might as well just study without scholarship huh. He has some rich china friends who can help with the lodging too, so to the heck with PSC.

Indian woman is unreachable. Never answered my calls nor called me, so I didn't teach yesterday. Perhaps she doesn't want me to teach anymore. YAY!!! BUT she still owes me $5. Maybe she planned to shortchange me the week before already. Gah. I don't care lah. Just taught and bought berms from Queensway. We can't wear shorts in Cambodia due to culture reasons.. Sigh. Which means I will come back with permanent shorts berms and sleeves. Pui.

Cambodia in 5 days. WHEE. Just realised that this will be longest period of time away from my family alone :( so I'm spending more time at home these few days. I like staying at home anyway.

Anyhow, I've decided to sell my laptop when I come back and get a iBook, or anything APPLE. Ian, I'm counting on you to get me a good deal alright. You'll get a nice meal if you do!

Posthumous
everytime you go away - brian mcknight

I'm keeping my fingers TWISTED for a pass. I spotted the questions correctly, but couldn't recall the finer details of what I studied. Sigh. But ohwell,

IT'S OVER.!! Rahrahrah!!

Cambodia in a week! Maybe I will decide not to come back. If not, stay longer.

I still miss you.

Ludic, Parodic, Ironic
home - michael buble

It's gonna be up to my crapping skills to smoke me through Medisoc in 8 hours' time.
I'm giving up... My head is refusing any entry of words of any sort.
I hope something went in from all the continuous reading.

Tata, young (inside joke).

GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD LUCK.
GOOD RIDDANCE.

I miss my skank.

To my one and only brother:


.
.
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!

Stay close to the Lord, study hard,
Be good!

I forgive you for the nightmare you gave me.

==

Dear Miss Kooky-funny-ex-purplehair Lek Xia Yan,

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY
to you too!!

Hope to see you around in MCM man. Really. (:

denouement
alone - heart

Terrific. Absolutely terrific. I just woke up even though I slept at 1am. It should be that REALLY FREAKY dream I had involving my brother which caused me to oversleep. UGH, it was really ..freaky but sorry no details. It included some of us WankerInc people in Juan's big beautiful HDB flat, and even my cousins ended up there somehow.
Thunder Thighs has also been invading my sleep everyday. Tsk.

Sorry I couldn't go for the HopeJam, Juan (read: bro's birthday dinner). Gah. But I know you had fun! Go RAFE!!
==

Hitting the books for good now.

Easter Sunday
consider Christ - philip percival&bryson smith

Today's the day Jesus bridged the gap between man and God with his blood. A million thank Yous wouldn't be enough to express my gratitude, Jesus!
That's why we should live our lives as a living sacrifice; holy and pleasing to God, a gift - in exchange for what He has unconditionally given us. Ah, the power of TRUE love. (:

Skipped Tennis today for my brother's early birthday celebration, but he's not home yet lah can. So to fill my growling stomach which skipped lunch, I found a few red eggs on the kitchen table, courtesy of the chinese service. Something came over me somehow, and I WASHED THE EGG before I peeled it. Now my hands are stained pink. And I haven't studied yet 'cos I succumbed to playing Day of Defeat at the lan shop I was supposed to be looking after. Bah.

This morning I had another moment of absolute bimbotica.

Me: "Wah, our church has wireless ah!"
Pris: "Hello, look carefully can?"

The first powerpoint slide for the morning's service was promoting the church's website, so there was a screenshot of the webpage on it.

==

Ida has given me her name card. Guess where she works at? DDB SINGAPORE. Nothing great, just Singapore's 7th largest ad agency. Slap me, prease. Should be able to get internship there when I come back from Cambodia, nothing great. :D

And I still haven't studied yet.

Gorgonized
everlasting love - jamie cullum

March beneath the last of Eleven stars,
burying them in a bucket
seated near the east coast of a land
flooded with tears from a rubbing hand
This Fool, oblivious to deception
still licking its sores and abrasions
before Death parks on a leopard's stride
(Even immortals quake in Gorgon's sight)
to stupefy
after which, delight.

Pestiferous
like a drug - queens of the stone age

My brother just absconded with my 10 bucks I so painstakingly managed to save from these 3 days. So much for his claim that his grossly-rich-BG's-son friend insists on paying for everything for him, from clubbing (ugh, sadly yes - the army influence proves just too great) to food (read: restaurants) right down to his pedicures. Okay, I made the last one up. You get the drift.
The only word which ran through my mind was gigolo. I'm kidding.

But clubbing?? It only appeared in my dictionary for a short span of 2 months in what, 2003? I had no choice but to tag along to my clique member's want to celebrate her birthday in some underaged disco (snorts.) where the ah-(insert hokkien name here)s ruled supreme. And subsequent go-la-Benita-it'll-be-fun-la late-night outings which I ended up sitting in a corner hiding my sniggers while watching people watch themselves gyrate in front of a mirror. Tell me that Zouk and ChinaBlack doesn't have mirrors, but I just don't find pleasure paying money to jerk my shoulders up and down in crowded places and subjecting myself to unwanted attention from various body parts, even risking getting into silly fights (these still do happen even at the ripe old age of 20).

I'm not against the people who enjoy clubbing lah, it's just me and my 2 cents' worth on clubbing the activity.

It's funny to see how I (of all people) always find myself with the unlikeliest friends. Nan Hua the 10th SAP school? I was in the first batch, so there were still non-SAP students. Not stereotyping, take note. It was there I learnt all my hokkien/cantonese phrases and experienced 'confrontations', kiddo rubbish of stare-what-stare (diao simi diao), almost getting into unwanted trouble in and out of school and whatnot which I'd better not go further into due to readership reasons. Not that I'm ashamed of my past (ha, sounds so serious), but I was never a gangster so there is nothing to be ashamed of. Just seen much more than the average sheltered Singaporean kid.

Yes, the kind of friends you have do seem to define you and affect your being, but of course there are exceptions (like me!) who can remain level-headed and not get dragged down, along with those deadly sins. Trust me, these people you deem 'gangsters' sometimes make the best friends in terms of loyalty and trustworthiness.

My prediction was right - I can't seem to study.

HELP!

Amalgamate
i can only imagine - mercy me

I'm real tired, yet my brain can't seem to rest. The silence around me only breeds semantic noise. Tons of questions and answers left to be padlocked in my safe and the key, soldered useless. Perhaps one day when it finally gets bombed open will I find my peace, if not forever hold it. Yet mortal combats threaten to implode my gates of sanity.
Dear Lord, keep me.

CambodiaCambodiaCambodia....

Medisoc can jolly well go to the dumps, when I wake up at 2pm tomorrow and laze my day away.

skank, do you still care?

Good Friday
the flame - cheap trick

I struggled to keep my head from spinning during the Presbyterian Easter Convention at the Swissotel today. Somehow I felt really drained and..Pained. Must have been the adrenaline from jamming - I tried to sleep for 3 hours but I couldn't, and I skipped dinner and breakfast too. Ugh.

Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise to see my primary school teacher Miss Jennifer Lai take the mic for a solo. There was a bit of a commotion at my area (most of us were from PeiHwa), heh. She has the loveliest voice ever, and my hair just stood at the memories of primary school (we always enjoyed singspiration best whenever she led) and her beautiful rendition of the song. I just cannot remember the last 2 lines of the song which struck me the most..Ugh. edit Oh yay I found it on Tessa's blog! Will put it at the end of the post.

Sermon was about how we 'cut God's heart'. God created us, yet we do not even acknowledge Him. The speaker used an analogy - You are a parent, and the son whom you gave birth to does not acknowledge your presence and never calls you mom or dad nor expresses his feelings and gratefulness towards you ever in his whole life. How would you feel?
This is how God feels when we do not acknowledge Him. QT yesterday was also something along the lines of this. When we become Christians, the Holy Spirit will enter us and we will become God's children. So why do we serve God and praise Him?
Simply because He gave us life!! Adam and Eve committed the first sin which separated man and God, and He sent His ONLY son (how many of us know the pain?) to die for us, so that we will be reconciled and not condemned to hell. How lucky we all are being able to worship Him freely now (not only in this AD era but also in Singapore for that matter), all thanks to Jesus. He died to seek and save the lost; He died when He could have jolly well saved Himself instead of us. That's why its Good Friday and not Bad!

After the service it was lunch with the youths. My head started to sprout wheels, so I went off to the Esplanade alone after that to take a breather and try study a bit of Medisoc. There was this crazy drummer there who was doing a sound check, playing along to Maroon 5. Wah, he's really good!!! My gosh. Yeah I was distracted la. Maroon 5 has quality. Mainstream, but I like their groove - there's just something special about it.

Here's the song!

Were It Not For Grace
Hamilton McHugh

time measured out my days
life carried me along
in my soul i yearned to follow God,
but knew i'd never be so strong.
i looked hard at this world
to learn how heaven could be gained.
just to end where i began
where human effort is all in vain.

were it not for Grace, i can tell you where i'd be.
wandering down some pointless road to nowhere
with my salvation up to me.
i know how that would go,
the battles I would face.
forever running, but losing the race
were it not for Grace.

so here is all my praise
expressed with all my heart.
offered to a Friend, who took my place,
and ran a course i could not start.
and when He saw in full,
just how much this love would cost,
He still went the final mile between me and heaven
so I would not be lost.

AMEN.

Adrenaline Shot
get up kids - valentine

Wah. I'm really psyched from jamming!! Felt really good.. I have a long way to go man, and I shall keep striving to improve. So its William on the lead guitar, Yuhan on the rhythm guitar, Faizal on the bass and me on the drums. I'm the youngest member, and sooooo, Welcome to...................

Haven't gotten a name yet, but soon. Haha.

We tried doing covers by the Get Up Kids and duno-who but I guess due to my lack of knowledge them songs (imitates Yuhan's signal to open the hi-hats), we switched to originals. And it was really enjoyable!! Especially liked the bossanova feel song. Woohoo. Dead Cool!! Stupid Jem and Jenn suddenly showed up at the mini-window on the door, and I was triple-ly stressed la. So paiseh! My poor ears got a thrashing, but I couldn't care less then. Need to buy ear plugs already. I'm still nursing a headache from just now.. It's been 1451351 years since I last did this to myself, but I'm lovin' it! Hurhur.

Met those 2 spies after that for a short but enjoyable while. (: Really looking forward to further jams!

Soon.... We will perform. Soon. Thanks Yuhan again!!

Good Friday, good night. Combined Presbyterian service at the Swissotel tomorrow!
I got a little 'ball' thingie on my left earlobe below my earring. It doesn't really hurt when I press it, but it feels.. Scary. A lump in anywhere not welcomed (ahem) is not a good thing. AHHH I'm gonna die of cancer!!!!

Ugh, headacheeee. Gotta sleep.

P.S. Trip's been postponed to 5th - 20th April. WOOHOO.

Rhythm
fantasy - blackbox

I'm a sucker for 80s disco, yessum.

Finally got this thing done with the help of a shareware. Phew. So much for striving to study for Medisoc today. Grr.

To Eve:
I'm sorry I can't make it for your pre-hiatus gig. ): Need to go for church orchestra practice for Easter Sunday. Sigh, it's alright - we can always go jamming, aye? (:

To someone in particular:
I can only be here for you to rant, to spill your innards to. It really sucks that I can't do anything for you.. I could. But you wouldn't want that. Just NEVER EVER say that no one is there for you alright? 'Cos I'll be there like you were there for me too. HUGS.

Alright, I'm off for my maiden jam with the new crew.

STRESSED!!!

Wings on Skin
i dont wanna cry - mariah carey

Lappy is BACK! Feels really great now that it's not laggy anymore. Thanks a million, Gav. I think my 36233177452 pictures and songs are gone. Can't seem to find them anywhere even though I backed them up the last time. :(

Did this in a couple of hours after getting inspiration while viewing Chris' pics, and I don't have much patience nor energy to continue ripping to get the navigation thing finally done yet, so bear with the absence of the chatterbox and links for now alright. You can always leave comments using my under-used haloscan at the end of my posts.

Thanks to Christina; it's her tattoo on the back of her neck which she personally designed. Don't worry, I'll credit them to you when I get the navi crap up! I tweaked the stray hairs (the wonders of Photoshop, aye!), now she covets it as a template I think ("(insert vulgarity here) u for having the idea first"), haha. Which reminds me of a friend's blog which I have done the background for but not the layers - it's been since January. I can't remember the username nor the blog address itself now. Ughh.

Didn't teach today, which means no extra cash for the week :( StupidIndianWoman cancelled class last minute ("Ranjana wants to watch a show"), and she wasn't apologectic about it at all. Do I have to subject myself to her beck and call?? Hellooo!? I hate it when adults don't give the younger generation their due respect. Bah, every Wednesday's post seems to be hate mail for that woman. I don't want to keep cancelling classes... Not only do I have less cash on my hands, I am going to Cambodia in less than 2 weeks!! Which means they will have to skip another 2 weeks of lessons. How to improve - especially when they don't take the initiative to practise? It's a waste of my time and theirs and their money if I have to teach them the same things all over again every week. Sigh, now I understand how my piano teacher felt last time.

Going to jam with my new band tomorrow evening. Thinking of calling ourselves The Dysfunctional Quartet, since we are all weird individuals. Hope I don't make a fool of myself, and that this will work out!

Crap, haven't touched Medisoc much yet. Humbug.

Spoonerism
love at first sight - styx

Thanks to dictionary.com's Word of the Day, Spoonerism is the word to sum up our familiar tongue-tied times, when we switch the initial sounds of phrases with each other. Like how I trip over 'parking coupon' to say it as 'carking poupon'. Here's an example from the email : We all know what it is to have a half-warmed fish ["half-formed wish"] inside us.
What are your spoonerism times?

A J2 friend who took the interview for MCM got interviewed by a lady with long, black hair. My guess is that she's Cordelia. She asked him if he knew anyone in MCM, and he mentioned my name. She then asked him to go 'take a look at my eyebags', hah. Are they that obvious? Sigh. But it's OKAY. I have finished editing!! Just as I was getting attached to the linear editing machine, I had to part ways it, sigh. It's quite a perverse relationship, me and that console. I will miss pushing all those buttons and banging them knobs. Hmm. So that leaves.... the 29th of March, 11am. Ugh, hurry hurrrrry!!

Year one has come to an end. Even though I didn't top the cohort for anything whatsoever, there is a very great sense of satisfaction within myself. I got to come across (almost) all kinds of people - the good, the bad, the ugly and the foolish. T106 started on a bright note, too bright perhaps, and the silkscreen started burning through. If I said it didn't affect me one bit, I'd be lying. A neutral stand was all I could take, even though many a time I felt rather disappointed and repelled at the things which were entering my ears. The only thing I could do was to listen, discern, and learn. I can safely say that I stood my ground on most of the times where morals were concerned ever since I was thrown into this sea of masks, and my threshold of tolerance itself and that towards temptation has increased. Thank God for being with me throughout. We will all be reshuffled, and I certainly will miss the ABCdE and the fonder memories. Reshuffling has always been taking place since primary school, and it'll do all of us good anyhow.

Thanks T106/101 for all the better memories once again. I hope that I've been a good friend and teammate to have.

Have a good break, everyone! (:

Preumbra
if i aint got you - alicia keys

My laptop is now in Gavin's hands to re-format. Sigh. Says that most probably I've banged my laptop against something. Grr. So treat your laptops with care!

MSC meeting last night, with the Merseyside Derby after that. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time (: The 2 guys were the 'girls' of the night, with the 2 girls being the soccer-crazy ones. HEH. They stayed over at my place with our guest 'star' Jem. It was great catching up with each other again now that the hectic period is over.

Editing was sucky cos the machine was screwy. Ugh. Doing it up tomorrow once and for all. It was pretty corny, our music entries. Hmm. Hope Millians will like it. His son is SO cute, by the way. My gosh. He (his son, not Millians) couldn't keep his eyes off me la, heh!

Alright, am very tired now. Will try to read up some Medisoc and do QT before retiring. Shucks man, I haven't been eating properly. Somehow sleep overtakes all my meals.

Cambodiaaaaaaaaaa.........in 14 days exactly!!

Bull Run
sara - starship

The boots I borrowed from small Sam (yeah I don't have my own boots) basked in their 15 minutes of glory this morning. Now my hamstrings are super tight 'cos I didn't warm up properly, bah. Hope I did justice to Gopi's classes! Hah. The game was between the FMS Alumni/Lecturers and final year students. The final scoreline? 9-1. Jenn was goalkeeping for the Alumni, and he could have kept a clean sheet if not for that really unlucky error. Heh. There was a beautiful goal from 30metres out by JLo which shifted his toe nail, ouch. He asked me to get on the pitch 15 minutes from time. I guess it was because I'm a girl, that was why they didn't really dare tackle me. But I'd rather they did because I don't want it to seem as though the team had a handicap. The sun was really bad today, and I'm rather burnt.. So cool!

2 more weeks to Cambodia. Yay.

First Movement
i will always love you - whitney houston

WOOOOHOO!!! IT'S OVER!! And yes, this is marks only the end of Benita's Symphonic Movement No.1. Actually not yet till 10 days' time, but oh man, breathing is so much easier. The air seems fresher too, hmm. Hah. Okay, the presentation.

Erhhhh. In my opinion, I screwed it up. I know the rest don't blame me, but this project...Is sorta my baby. Some of my most important facts got lost in Germany during my turn, and they returned only when my turn was over. RAHH. Anyway, most of our feedback were not negative (which is a good sign), and the fabled nitpicking was surprisingly minimal. Then again, it was not that pedantic. Maybe it was because our minimalistic design had nothing much to strip down further, and we had our research good. (: Glad that Mr Choy particulary liked our sofa armrest cover. Stayed up till 3am to get it done, because no tailor wanted to help us do it. It wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be. No wonder. JLo commented that my 'sharp tongue' was unseen during my presenting, and I guess it isn't a good thing. My attempts to be professional and serious usually makes me stumble a bit. The last judge of the 3 was some guy JLo introduced as "Ah Beng". And I forgot his name even though he said it at the end of it all. He has striking facial features. Um yeah. It's over la!

It was off to West Coast Park when it ended with not many questions for the YF outing. Attempted to build a sand-interpretation of the tower of Babel (it isn't easy to create a spiral on a cone of sand), played soccer, touch rugby, ultimate frisbee..And now I have sleeves. And shorts. UGH. Tan lines lah! I wore the Old Navy tee I bought online specially for that day. It read : I'm Not Doing Homework Tonight but technically it should read, "I Don't Have Anymore Homework" (fine print: for now.).

Went with Dom and Gavin to Ikea after XO fish beehoon at Holland V to help them choose a sofa for their house (they're Brothers, in case you were wondering), and it amazes me somehow that I felt like a WOMAN. I'm not a feminist cos I believe in equality amongst sexes, but for once I saw how scary it is to watch males shop for shopping goods. The ordinary woman will feel like pulling out her hair at the rate they were thinking, and I too saw the truth in what JLo said about women being superior shoppers as compared to men. That is of course, not applicable to electronics. It is not about the ability to recognise specifications and whatnot which men lack, but the ability to rationalize and think through its functionality (not functions) and be able to discern a need and a want. Women do fail too in this area sometimes when it comes to pretty pieces of sewn cloth.

So I assisted them in listing the advantages and disadvantages of leather sofas (their sofa in mind) according to their demographics (PWHOAH) and they decided on a non-leather one instead. Leather needs maintenance lah, but they are too busy and are men. Don't flame me for being sexist - I'm just stating facts. There are exceptions but they are few and far between. Then it was a coffee table which we didn't get in the end 'cos they couldn't make up their minds (they would have gotten this table which is almost as tall as me but quite jarring to the final layout), and a carpet which didn't materialise either because it was not ideal. If I weren't there, they'd have gotten what they felt was 'alright' just by looking at it. My goodness. It was traumatising yet enlightening at the same time. 'Bauhaus!' popped up in my head whenever I saw them Bauhaus-principled furniture. Sighh.

Tomorrow I'm going to watch the FMS soccer match.. JLo just burst my bubble of hope for playing, but it's okay. I'm not gonna take up the offer to refree either. Quite paranoid from refreeing in secondary school, but if I really have no choice (read: butt itchy), I shall. Heh.

im at a loss, so i shant do anything. sorry.

Opus
here i am - air supply

12 hours to go.

The odour of the Indian woman's house somehow keeps hitting my nose. Could it be my feet? No. I just bathed. Not me. Yuck. Not my house, it's clean. Bah. Anyhow, I think I'm dead lucky. You know the local jazz trio Wiired? Well, I met the 22-year-old superdrummer today. I think I'm dead lucky. I'm dead lucky.

Alright, need to go prepare my part for tomorrow's presentation now. Wish us luck.

Nuances
you are everything - vanessa williams

Music is the only thing left for editing. Two days left to the end of Bauhaus, and tomorrow will be solely dedicated to its completion.

Accomplishment is one satisfying feeling, and a refreshing conversation with the Korean piano kid's mom over homecooked spaghetti dinner is a good way of ending a pretty enjoyable day. She's an artist, and a beautiful lady inside out. Her husband is an editor in Reuters. She even offered asking her husband internship for me, heh. She reads widely on child psychology and various topics since she's free at home. Guess it was much of an epiphany for her when she heard of Singapore's elitist education system for the first time in her 5 years of residence here. Chatted mostly about how academic smartness varies indirectly to social skills. A debatable claim definitely, but living in a society of high-context culture seems to tip the scales. Brought up the Indian woman (she gave me a headache AGAIN today) and her forcing of poor Ranjana to learn the piano. For crying out loud, she has enrolled her for yoga and meditation classes which commence EVERYDAY. Ranjana's half-choked with extra-curriculum activities already.

There is a fine line between forcing children to learn skills when they have absolutely no interest in and having the sole wish that children learn the appreciation of music, rather than just hanker after that disgusting end-product of chemically-soaked wood chips with a number imprinted on it.

With what patience I have left, I affably told the Indian woman to ask her daughter if she was really interested in learning, rather than force her. If taking grade 1 (which I don't think her daughter is even suitable for Preparatory, sorry) is THAT important, she can jolly well send her to Christofori for $15 per lesson and take her grade 1 in just 3 months. What bull. I only have utter disgust for people claiming credit in any instrument which they have zilch passion for it's melodic beauty.

My spaghetti and salad was cleared in 1 1/2 hours, and our conversation, 2 hours. We were eating at the balcony, and I was taken by the gorgeous skyline and cool breeze (not without a bit of haze though, ugh). Soft lighting made the mood so wonderfully relaxing. I want my future penthouse (hurhur) to be my haven for spending time alone. Spinsterhood sounds good eh? Mrs Kim then insisted that I keep the 10 dollars for taxi fare since it were so late already. So sweet of her. She is one of the few people who has gained my admiration over that short 2 hours.

Disappointed.

Beware the Ides of March
under the bridge - red hot chilli peppers

Finally, I can breathe just that little bit more. Just not really appreciating the haze which fills my nostrils. The smell is quite alluring in a way though, like how the smell of the air before rain is weird but nice.

Seems like the coccoons died in my stomach anyway. Perhaps the weariness of everything only made me rather emotionless, the only flutter of butterfly wings came when I realised that it one more down. But the next moment after that (pre)revelation, all I felt in my stomach were rumbles. The speech went okay, considering the amount of preparation I'd put in - no prepared script, few visual aids, no confidence somewhat, somehow. Thanks Annie for the effort you'd put in! (: Speech comm test left me with an A. I should thank my lucky stars really, 'cos I just smoked my way through the test. Figuratively, of course. My B is not out-of-reach, thank God.

I'll be One Happy(ier) Person after Friday noon.

This semester, as compared to the last, is just atrocious. The sudden pile-up of final projects after all of us have lost our momentum and are slipping into snooze mode are simply no-nos. It's a good thing that the next batch of MCM people are going to experience a different combination of modules altogether. Marketing, Graphics comm, Webgra, medisoc and locvid will all be in one module; Speech comm, radio, socpsy and writ comm in one. There, isn't that SO much more meaningful? Think they will have some sort of module-integration for the final projects. It'd be hellish but really useful.

After Cambodia, I'm going to try get an internship at an advertising company where my friend's working at. Year 3 is gonna creep up like a thief, just like how year 1 has come to an end without much of a hullabaloo.

Pedantic Penchants
kiss the rain - billie myers

Well, well. Tomorrow's the speech and somehow I'm not too excited nor nervous about it. Maybe when I awake, I'll feel the cocoons going nuts in my stomach - but as for now, I can only feel the lids closing down on my irises.

Bauhaus printing is almost done. Pretty satisfied with the outcome, but with lappy finally screaming unmountable_data_error and unable to resurrect itself anymore, I may have to borrow Annie's lappy again to finish the bus design. The load's slowly peeling itself off. Gah, it's like a wart on your butt which just wouldn't go away all at once. It's alright. Just 2 more weeks, and I'll be outta this country for another 2 more. Can't wait.

Locvid test seemed positive to me. So we'll see. Please pray for me, all you who still care.

the spark is gone.

Potboiler
angel of mine - monica

Sleep your troubles away
White blacks the blues with the array
of mish mash on a rainy day
Cry to them hashed fragments
Turn backs in cold garments
Fire in sight, clamour in fright
Melt these hands and rip those tights
Part lips in clandestine with swords
Lap up pierced ears and rub in the salts
Who are you? to entwine mortals' rings
in Pain around pure nylon strings
World against one; mirrored shadows three
lain asleep for a stud scarred in thee
is a Potboiler cruely dubbed me.

Juxtapose Adipose
just because - anita baker

My darling laptop is playing trix with me. I emailed Cordelia Anne and I's speech audience analysis. Lappy was fine. I realised that I emailed her the WRONG file. Lappy crashed on me. Then I gave up and went to sleep. Now, Lappy is Quite Alright but NPmail is DOWN. Ngahh.

Dragged my butt up at 6.30am (the earliest I've awoken in quite awhile) this morning for S&W attachment. There was an inter-class tournament for the soccer module. What were the girls for the attachment supposed to do? Hmm, well. We were SO busy filling up ice and water in the containers, sitting around doing nothing (of course we were making noise with our class) then picking up rubbish at the end of the day. Question: WHY were the 4 girls in my class were the only ones left doing the latter? NEVERMIND LEH.

The bigger question is, WHY wasn't I playing, since you all by now should know how crazy I am over soccer? Ahhhh. See, Gopi was afraid that if girls played, they would be manhandled by guys. I don't think he wants to see girls flying on the pitch instead of the ball. But I don't mind lah. NEVERMIND LEH. But I MIND when there actually were girls on the pitch at a point or another!! I was soooo pissed, many felt the wrath of my yellowacjctowel. Gah. I had no boots to begin with, on my feet were slippers, and I was in non-sports shorts. Crapppp. I waited till I couldn't take it anymore, then broke the 'rules'. Had to borrow Faizal's boots (2 sizes larger and in bare feet) and his sprained ankle to soak up my 3 minutes of fame for the 3rd-placing match. Touched the ball 3 times at least. Hurr. Yup, the guys got into the semi-finals. Objectively, our class has the best players on the pitch. Just not the luck in the semis. And our best player, Jaffar, had a back injury and could only make do as our crazy team manager. Sigh, I will miss them all lah. We were the only class which the girls and guys were really cool with each other.

Met Annie to do our speech at Venezia@6th Ave. We are about done already, whee.

In light of all recent events happening around:
Grow up, Get a life, Go find God.
Please.

Lachrymose
thrive - newsboys

All of a sudden, Lappie is up and running again. Yay.

Jenn sent me songs by Newsboys, this Christian band. I am hooked to their 80s style of music. Listening to them makes me so much more relaxed. Thanks bro!

Could've watched Gloria jam again today, but I knew about it only after I'd agreed to 'fill in' for 1130 service practice. After dinner with them (thanks Jenn again, I think I'm darn lucky), I felt real nervous 'cos it's been awhile since I last played on the drumset regularly, and I had expectations to meet.
I want to do my best for GOD, not letting down any others who put me in high regard for that matter and myself, either. I value myself putting my best into what I deem as important. With all the emotions I had sitting at Mr. DtxpressII, I went slightly crazy while playing 'When I look into Your Holiness'. I'd better get a grip during service, heh. Had a bit of trouble with my limb's independence - but this is what you get from not practising. It felt wonderful praising God with something I love again. Though I'm taking a break for now to reconsider my direction in serving and to recover from my weariness, I still do feel for my music. Keep praying for me in this.

Editing went smoothly today (despite the 2 hours of wrestle with the fabled titlemaking machine for TWO pages of flashing words, bah), and I'm proud to say that Downward Spirals in Half is 3/5 on its way to completion with 2 hours of work! Good job, PINKSLATE PRODUCTIONS! (:

My Prayer
Oh daddy God
Teach me to seek not my will, but find Yours
Teach me not to judge before searching myself
Teach me to think before I jump
to listen before I speak
Teach me to live with Your love
to love in Your light
Teach me humility; teach me patience
Teach me to hunger after Your word
Teach me perseverance in this world of temptation
in this hardship of living
Teach me genuine forgiveness in hate
in times of bitterness and pain
Teach me that my earthly loss is eternal gain in You

Teach me a teachable heart
to be still and know that You are God
Teach me, dear Lord
Teach me to be like YOU.

___

HAHAHA Oh no, my 27-year-old friend (AHEM) just told me that all along she thought 'LOL' stood for 'Lots of Love', just because she recalled someone said so. HAHAHAHAHA. So what is 'LMAO'? I figured it could well be 'Love Me Always Okay'. HAHAHA

If that's the case, well LOL to all of you and LMAO!!

HA.

edit_ Phew I'm smart. Blogger is currently screwed up, and I copied my work before hitting the publish button. Teehee.

Urban Misanthrope
when you called my name - newsboys

I think I'm going to burn out real soon. Thank God for these few days. I slept them away. Didn't teach piano today because my nose started having spasms all of a sudden. And I felt really lethargic. Crazy hours of sleep only adds on to what already has made me half-dead.

Spent a nice time with my lil sister today though. I read my Isaac Asimov book while she played the com, and I taught her to pick out the instruments used in RHCP's Greatest Hits CD. Guess which instrument she fell in love with? The BASS GUITAR! I was very impressed when she managed to pick out the entries after only one song. She even preferred it to my drums. Harrumph. But it's okay! I don't mind saving to help her get a bass guitar if she ever starts classes. My mom wants her to learn an instrument again anyway, because she had stopped her piano lessons after 3 years and Bennie didn't seem to have any interest any other whatnot classes. My family can form a band already, heh. I think I haven't been much of a proper sister. It's time to make up for it.

Anyway, my laptop is dead again. The freaking blue screen popped up and started dumping physical memory into virtual toilet bowl. Crapshit. Gotta lug it to MeL again, pah.

Editing tomorrow. Pray that everything goes fine.

The New
look at what love has done to us - patty smyth

I must be strong. I must accept facts and wake up to reality. See a still-crappy and lame, yet largely mellowed Beni from now. I'm going to focus on what my priorities in life should be.

1. God
2. Family
3. School
4. Youth Fellowship
5. My up-coming band; drums.

The brother is home from BMT. He will be taking the SAF scholarship to go to Bejing Uni to major in Economics. Says that he has connections in China, and Bejing Uni is affliated to Harvard anyway. Even though I don't really appreciate a china-fied bro (I hope that he doesn't DO Econs in pure Chinese), I guess it IS still a smart move because China is going to be The Place in future. Then the whole world will shift its focus to Asia and World War IV, ie. The End of Days, will begin in our backyard in Asia.

Woowhee.

money well spent

Thanks Jon &Co. for having me act in your project. I hope I did justice to the film.
Left my sneakers on the last 75. Hopefully it is somewhere in the Bukit Panjang bus terminal. My memory is going fast. Super lack of sleep.

It's weird how things can change overnight; it's weird how things lift up just to fall.

Well, life's like that. Even I can betray myself. The mindshift sets in.

whose line is it anyway

So when finally karma hits you right in the face, you ask yourself if only. But if 'if only' is just a phrase, why is it a phrase? Of trust and betrayal; who is the one who trusts? Who is the one betrayed? Does it have to be literal? Does it have to be figurative? Whilst awaiting the acrimony to arrive, the anticipation of that short-lived happiness becomes ironically dwelling. Contradictory and schizophrenic.
Who are you? Who am I? Who is everybody? Who is? Who were?
Tell me.

A Levels

I think I was more anxious than my brother (he is 18 months older than me though, being born in March) when awaiting the call regarding his results.
Stupid bugger tried to pretend he did badly over the phone.

So...

F Maths A
C Maths A
Physics A(He wonders how he got the A, too)
Economics A

S Papers for Econs and Cmaths, Distinction

General Paper B3
__

Thank God!! (:

downward spirals in half

The equipment are at my place now, and I'm itching to play around with the DV Cam. But cannot lah. I can't afford the hefty 6.5K.

Filming was cool. Thanks Jem for your help!

Am awaiting my D-day, where Linear Editing shalt drive me Frazy. Tomorrow we will wrap up the set, then it'll be Bauhaus, Medisoc and Final ASSessed speech to go. Wah, so FREE already! My Foot. The BeAn strikes back; we shall Nail the Speech with one hand in our pocket and a hammer in another.

After dinner and lugging the Feavy equipment to my place (the stupid trolley was the heaviest, how ironic), I had the honour of watching Gloria jam. Thanks a Million, Jenn! It was wayyyy cool. They are really impressive! As I entered Alvron, the first studio was playing Hoobastank. Yawn. The second was some punk/ska rock mat band, slightly better than the first. Not impressive though. Then the third studio.. Gloria. Wicked stuff man. Real cool, I say again (:

If everything turns out well, I'll be joining Eve's friend's band as the drummer. And Jenn will be teaching me drums! I think I'm real lucky. But it's time to get down, dirty and serious. I wanna improve, I wanna shine. I'm gonna change the perspective and stereotype that only guys are good at drums.

Wait and see.

Tender Closed

Okay, seems like we have our bimbos. Weird how out of the 7 who responded, only 2 were girls. The rest.... My idiot guy friends.

Got a C+ for our first video. A B is not out-of-reach yet. We shall make it! Received positive feedback for the camera (a whopping 25%), and I'm glad. Camera test.. 4.18/5. Stupid Fiona topped the class with a crazy 4.6!! Heh.

Haven't had a decent meal for 3 days and counting. What is happening man.
Am very tired nowadays. My eyelids are barely open, my mind is hardly working. Everyone's feeling the heat now, and I think it's very important to keep cool. So my aircon is working overtime with me (because the fan died somehow). I'm scared of taking in deep breaths cos I'm afraid I'll die twice as fast.

I wanna take a Good break when school closes. I wanna go Sentosa with my Wankgirrrrls. With Thunder Thighs. I wanna play billiards. I wanna go rounding. I wanna go Cambodia. I wanna play tennis. I wanna.. I wanna...


I wanna get away from here.

Tender

Looking for a female between ages 16-19 to STAR as a bimbo in my final project film!!
If you are NOT taller than 165cm and available on both THIS Thursday and Friday, please leave your contact number on my blog or bbenii@gmail.com ASAP.

Thanks!